Always (Bold as Love) Read online

  There will be times that I can't stand some features Sweetness has, but those are attributes that make Emily my Sweetness, and I wouldn't trade them for anything. I love every single detail that makes her mine. The day that Sweetness was sick, the day I knew I loved her, was also the day I knew that I would marry her. Sometimes, I wish that I could get down on one knee and ask her. The day that Sweetness becomes my wife will be the highlight of my life. My life will be complete.

  Often, I wonder what is keeping me from asking her. We wouldn't have to get married right away. I want her and everyone else to know just one thing. She's mine. I already have the ring too. Now, the only thing left for me to do is plan the perfect proposal.

  Deep down, hidden in the depths of my soul that I will never allow Sweetness to see, is a scared Jake. A Jake who doesn't want to tie Sweetness down in case she happens to fall in love with someone else and is happier with him. A Jake who would like nothing more than to marry her right this second, but won't ask because he doesn't want to be rejected. Even if she loves him, it doesn't guarantee a yes.

  Before I realize it, I've sighed and Emily's brown eyes are peering at me from under those beautiful, long eyelashes.

  "What's the matter?"

  Emily bites her lip and a dash of anger runs through me. Her first instinct is to assume she has done something to upset me. She is worrying over something she might have done. Resting my head against hers, I go to speak, but Emily does instead. She wasn't worried about me, but something else. It seems she has been doing a bit of thinking herself.

  "What do you want?"

  "What do you mean?" I ask.

  "In life. What do you want? Besides going to the NHL, what do you want from life?"

  "Besides that, I have everything I want."

  I expect to see a flicker of confusion in Emily's eyes, wondering if she is included in that. My heart pulses with pride. Sweetness is no longer wondering if she is included. Finally, she has taken my words to heart. Her eyes gleam and her smile widens.

  "I'm serious," she half laughs.

  "So am I."

  "You know what I think?"

  "What?" I ask.

  "I think you are filling my head with fibs. There has to be more to life that you want."

  "I would never lie to you, Sweetness."

  "Then answer me this," she interrupts.

  I wait for her question patiently while she seems to be mulling it over. Turning her head, she looks at me. "What would your life be like if we were never paired together? Did you even know I existed before that?"

  Her voice strained on that last question, and I can tell this is something to which she needs an answer. While worry fills her eyes, there is also a line of determination. She is going to make sure I tell her the truth. All the words I can say run around in my mind. I want to choose the right words to make sure she believes every one.

  "I noticed you. I knew you existed, Sweetness. You want to know what my life would be like? My life would be filled with less laughter, fewer smiles, and heartache. I would still be struggling with my mom's death and my dad's drinking. I would be missing out on this love. Our love. Falling in love with you has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I mean that, Sweetness. Don't you ever forget that you, and you alone, are my heart.

  "Forever will I be wishing for more time with you. I'll wish for you and everything that you are. Do you know how much you mean to me, Sweetness?" She nods, but I must tell her. "You are my heart. You make it beat and keep me alive. When I can go no further, you pulse with life and push me forward. Sweetness, I would be a lifeless body without you."

  Returning to her relaxed place, I feel her ribcage moving slowly as she struggles to contain herself. "I would still…"

  "Ssh. Don't go there, Sweetness."

  My hands run up and down her arms, which could easily circle her small arms. Movies play on the screen of the television, but neither of us are watching. Our eyes may be focused on the screen, but our minds are elsewhere. Mine is focused on what Emily could be thinking right now. Is she still stuck on the 'what if' of her past? I can only imagine what is running through her mind.

  “Sweetness?”

  “Mm?” The sound appears as if she may be half asleep.

  “I love you.” I was going to ask her if she was okay, but different words flew from my mouth.

  “I love you too, Jake.” She hesitates, but looks up at me. “Have I told you recently just how much I love you?”

  Her hesitation threw me. Why was she delaying that question? Before I could answer, she spoke.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. How about you show me instead?” I tilt my head and kiss her neck slowly.

  3

  Emily

  Jake's kiss is tender, his tongue swirls in circles, and he gently sucks. My head leans to the left to grant him more access. I turn around and straddle him, running my hands over the soft fabric of his shirt. Honestly, I don’t feel like having sex. Today, I just want to cuddle and adorn Jake with kisses. Finding my favorite place, I kiss Jake’s neck here and there before resting my head on his shoulder.

  “I love you,” I repeat, my lips brushing his skin. I can’t believe it but I actually want Jake to ask me what’s the matter. If I’m being honest with myself, the thought of Jake leaving has me terrified. Maybe I’m overreacting. He's been my life for a while, and he's always nearby. This it will be the first time we will be so far away from one another and the thought has my heart beating entirely too fast with fear.

  “Sweetness,” Jake’s voice is soft, “My world revolves around you. Mind telling me what’s worrying you?”

  I don’t answer. Not right away.

  “Is it my trip?”

  I nod into his neck, feeling serious separation anxiety coming. He can't leave. What if I need him? He won't be here. Carefully, Jake speaks his next words, dragging me away from my raging thoughts.

  “I can’t read your mind, Emily. Tell me what’s going on.”

  I’ve grown to hate when he calls me Emily. It usually means he is either mad at me, upset with me, or both. Sometimes, I feel as if he gets tired of my constant worrying. He probably gets tired of my thinking this way too. I just can't help it sometimes.

  “It’s nothing.”

  “Emily,” he starts, but I cut him off.

  “Don’t call me that. It’s never good when you call me by name.”

  He has the nerve to laugh. However, he arms squeeze tightly around me.

  “I’m sorry. Sweetness, what’s going on?”

  “I’m just worried.”

  “About what?”

  “What if I need you? You’ll be in a different country!”

  “You’ll be with Conrad, remember?”

  I can hear the smirk on his face. I sit up, confirm the smirk, and hit his arm. “That’s not funny,” I declare as a chuckle ripples through him.

  “I’m sorry.” His hands rest on my hips. “Tell me and I’ll be serious about it.”

  “It’s nothing.” I shake my head. It is nothing worth worrying about, I decide.

  “Are you sure? I’m listening.”

  “I’m just going to miss you, is all.”

  “It’ll be over before you know it.”

  I sure hope so.

  The week flies by. Drake calls almost constantly to ask when I’ll be home. That is definitely one thing I’m looking forward to. Not to mention that I called Conrad yesterday. He sounded really happy, which in turn made me happy. I was surprised when he asked to speak with Jake. Who knows what was said during that conversation?

  Standing inside the airport, Jake’s arms around my waist, I’m scared. More than scared. My gut is screaming out; my heart is throwing a temper tantrum, telling me that Jake shouldn’t leave. I can’t stop him though, and I don't want to make him stay. He deserves this so much. Jake, never to miss anything, asks once again what’s wrong.

  “Nothing. You better go. I don’t want you to m
iss your flight.”

  “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on. Sweetness, if this is too much for you, I’ll stay.”

  “No. Of course, it isn’t. Nothing’s wrong. Give me a goodbye kiss and get your butt on that plane.”

  “It’s not goodbye. I’ll be back, Sweetness.”

  He leans down, taking his time, holding his lips just centimeters from my own. Jake’s breath escapes from his mouth and feathers my lips, the minty smell of his toothpaste rising to my nose. We stand there, looking at one another with our lips barely touching, waiting for the other to give in. Of course, as I’m sure Jake knows, I give in first.

  My lips crush Jake’s as my arms wrap around his neck. I make it worth my while. I’m not going to see him for two whole weeks after all. My eyes well with tears at the thought. Stop. I’m not going to do this in front of Jake. The kiss ends too quickly, and I hug Jake as if I’m never going to see him again.

  “I love you,” he whispers into my hair.

  “I love you too.”

  I release him from my hold and watch as he picks up his bag, walking away. He looks back once before he goes through security. I give a small wave, hoping that he can’t see the tears falling from my eyes. It's more tears of fear over the fact that he's leaving for two weeks. I'm terrified of being without him, even for a short period of time. It's something I'll have to get used to though if he makes it in the NHL. Security gets him through quickly, and then he disappears onto the other side of the airport.

  I bite my lip, not wanting to leave just yet. With a deep breath, I walk over to a row of seats, claiming one. I sit there for four hours. Jake sends me a text that asks if I made it home safely, and that he was about to board.

  I tell him I did and to let me know when he arrived. Maybe I'm just hearing things, but I swear that faintly, I can hear the announcement for his plane to begin boarding. Rising, I walk over to the wide windows and wait. Once I see a plane, possibly Jake’s, climaxing, my heart tells me that it’s time to go. Turning on my heel, I head home.

  4

  Jake

  Turns out Eve from the girls' team was invited for a camp for girls. I chatted with her while we waited to board. Once it was time, I sent a quick text to Emily.

  Now, I’m flying high above the ground and sitting between Eve and some guy. Currently, Eve holds some of my attention, but I can’t help but wonder what was really bothering Emily earlier.

  “Jake? Are you listening?”

  “Sorry, I was just thinking.”

  “About?” Eve inquires.

  “Emily.”

  “I should have known.” She rolls her eyes.

  “Something was bothering her; I just don’t know what.”

  “I would be upset if you were my boyfriend and you were going to another country for two weeks. She is probably just going to miss you.” She runs a finger down my arm, and I ignore it.

  “Yeah. Speaking of boyfriends, where is yours?”

  “I have one? Why didn’t I know?”

  I chuckle. Eve is a character. Over the past few months, I’ve really gotten to know her. Eve isn’t afraid to speak her mind and tell you exactly what she is thinking. I like that about her. Eve’s fun to be around, and I’m glad to have her as a friend. She makes the plane ride short. Once we have landed and arrived at the hotel, I text Emily.

  Here, Sweetness. Talk to you soon. Love ya.

  Love you. Is her reply. Shoving my phone in my pocket, I settle in with a guy from Cali. He goes by Brown and seems nice enough. Eve is on the next floor up as all the players from both camps are in this hotel. We’re supposed to have supper together tonight at the hotel. Energy floods my system with excitement.

  I can’t believe that I’m here, in Canada, for a hockey camp with scouts. This is going to be amazing. While I wait for dinner, I relax on my twin bed. Tomorrow is going to be busy, and I need to be prepared. However, as dinner comes, it seems Eve has different plans.

  “We should go out. Explore the town.”

  “I don’t know. You should know that we have to be up at five.”

  “Live a little, Jake. Has Emily whipped you that badly?”

  “I’m not whipped. I’m responsible.”

  Eve rolls her eyes and shrugs. My phone vibrates in my jean pocket, and I retrieve it. The phone seems tiny in my hand, even though it’s an iPhone. The screen is lit to tell me that Emily has texted me.

  Good night.

  Remembering that it is later in her time zone than mine, I reply aptly. Boy, I miss her already. As sudden as a spring storm, I am exhausted. I quickly wrap things up with Eve and return to my room to rest.

  5

  Emily

  When I wake up, I stretch long and hard, trying to get the kinks out before I roll out of bed. I would be lying if I said that I'm not excited about today. I’m finally meeting Conrad's little boy, Logan. Drake is riding with me for the hour long trip.

  Finally, we have arrived. Conrad and his spitting image son are sitting on the front porch swing. What a sight. Conrad stands as I walk up the porch and over to him. It’s so good to see him. Giving him a big hug, relief courses through me.

  “How have you been?” he asks, taking a long look at me.

  “Good. You?”

  “Great. Logan, these are my friends Emily and Drake.”

  “Hey!” he exclaims.

  Crouching down to become eye level with the three year old, I hold out my hand, which he promptly shakes.

  “Wow! You are a strong little boy.”

  “Like Daddy,” he says proudly, looking up at his father with a smile.

  “Go show Drake your room,” Conrad gently orders. Drake and Logan disappear inside. Conrad holds out his arm for me to sit on the porch swing, which I do, and Conrad sits down beside me.

  “He’s adorable.”

  “Thanks,” Conrad replies with pride clearly written on his face. “How are things with you and Jake?”

  “Better.”

  Conrad quirks an eyebrow, and I go into detail about the past year. He pats my knee and says, “I’m glad y’all are doing better.”

  “Thanks. This trip has me worried though. It sometimes feels like I'm having separation anxiety.”

  “Em, a little anxiety isn't too bad. It's probably somewhat good for you, but you're going to have to get used to not being with him every day or every night.”

  “True.” I don't want to think about it anymore. “Enough about me. What about you? How have things been with you?”

  “One more year of college left, so great. It’s always a struggle with Logan, but I love it.”

  “What about with the ladies?” I smile at my question.

  Conrad looks away before focusing on me again, trying not to grin. “I’ve met someone.”

  “Really? Tell me about her!”

  “Patience. You’ll meet her later today. Let’s go check on the kids.”

  Nerves course through me at meeting Conrad’s friend. “Are you happy with her?”

  “Extremely.”

  Relief replaces the nerves. I’m thrilled to hear that Conrad is happy. He deserves it. Conrad’s place is quaint and homey. There are pictures of him and Logan together on the mantle and coffee table. Toys are scattered throughout the entire house. If I didn’t pay attention, I would trip.

  “I’d have thought you would have cleaned the house,” I tease.

  “It is clean,” he laughs.

  We stand in the doorway of a disaster of a room. Toys are everywhere. Pieces of carpet sticks out here and there with Drake and Logan in the middle of it.

  “When is she coming?” I ask, hoping for some time alone with Conrad and the boys before she arrived.

  “Around five.”

  Great. That gives me plenty of time. I leave Conrad’s side to play with Logan. My heart pangs at the thought that I could be here with my baby, showing him or her off to Conrad. It simply wasn't the right time, I repeat the mantra in my head. Slow
ly, as if breathing too quickly would break me down, I inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. My composure is back and I focus on playing with this cute, little boy in front of me. Conrad even gets down and plays with us. Soon, it’s time for lunch. Conrad orders pizza and gets it delivered.

  Logan is such a chatterbox, but it’s too cute to be annoying. Conrad has to tell him several times not to talk with his mouth full, but it only works for about two seconds. Finally, the time arrives for Conrad’s girlfriend to show up.

  It's obvious Logan loves her as he races to the door and jumps into her arms. She’s pretty. Really pretty with black pixie-like hair and a petite figure. My heart smiles as Conrad walks over and places a kiss on her forehead.

  “Emily, I’d like you to meet Lily. Lily, this is Emily.”

  “It’s nice to finally meet you. Conrad has told me so much about you.”

  “It’s great to meet you,” I greet her and all of a sudden, I feel like an intruder. Conrad, Lily, and Logan look like a picture perfect family. I don't belong here with their lovey dovey looks and Logan's excitement that she's here. This is Conrad's family now, and I couldn't be happier for him. “Drake and I should probably be going. We don’t want to stay too late.”

  “You know you can never overstay your welcome, Em. Visit anytime. It’s been wonderful seeing you.”

  “Same here. Thanks, Conrad.”

  I take a few steps forward and give him a hug. Drake falls asleep on the ride home, leaving me plenty of time to think. Jake hasn’t been gone long and already I miss him.

  His touch.

  His kiss.

  Everything that makes him mine.

  He warned me that while he is gone, it will most likely be late when he talked to me. I ache to text him, but it will be pointless. I yearn to hear his deep voice calling me Sweetness and telling me that he loves and misses me. Sighing, I shut my thoughts down for the rest of the ride.