Looking for You (Oh Captain, My Captain #1) Read online

  I don’t know how to bring this up. Do I say it on the phone? He’s with his friends and probably doesn’t want to say anything. This might be better in person.

  “Um, I was just wondering if you were still coming for dinner tonight?”

  “Yep, I’m leaving in just a few. Why?”

  “Well, I’m not too far from Portland. I could come to your place?” I don’t know why I said it. Maybe to hear his reaction?

  “That’s not going to work for me. I’ll just see you at your place. Okay?”

  Oh my God, he is married. I lay my head on my steering wheel on the verge of banging my head. I’m so stupid. I’ve been seeing this guy for almost two months, and I didn’t even realize that he’s married.

  “Ellie? Are you still there?”

  “What?” I come back to the conversation.

  “I said I’ll see you in about an hour, okay?”

  “Okay.” I hang up quickly, before anything else can be said. I pull out of the parking lot and head home. The tears are on the brim of my eyes, ready to fall.

  The moment I get in my house, I head straight for the wine bottle. I need to calm myself before I confront Hudson. I go and sit on my back porch, gulping my wine. Looking out my back porch and hearing the sounds of nature is what I need to relax. However, the longer I sit there, the more upset I become. I don’t feel like Hudson is married, but the signs are there. I just can’t believe it though. He doesn’t seem like the type. What if I confront him and he just leaves?

  “Ellie!” I hear Hudson call from the kitchen. I stand up and head his way. “You enjoying the nice evening?” He smiles at me.

  “Hudson,” I shift uncomfortably, “we need to talk about something very important that I think you’re hiding from me.”

  Shock washes over his face. I can see his eyes widen. My heart races as I open my mouth, “Why haven’t I been to your apartment yet?”

  He looks confused for a moment. “It’s basically just a bachelor pad, not that great, and I thought you would be more comfortable here at your place. It’s more homey here anyway.”

  “Then why is it that we never go out to dinner? The one time it happened was in Seattle and we were with your sister.”

  “We just never plan to. Ellie, if you want me to take you out, I can. There are plenty of places to go between here and Seattle.” He gives me a small smile.

  “Why not Portland? Why can’t we go to Portland?” I push.

  “We’re closer to Seattle. It makes more sense to go there, doesn’t it?”

  “I guess, but it seems like you’re hiding something, and I think I’ve figured it out. With all this ‘traveling’ and us never going out. I know the truth.”

  “Ellie, we can go out more if you want and my traveling is for work because, well, I am-”

  “You’re married,” I cut him off. My heart is racing thinking about him being married and using me.

  “Married?” Shock and confusion comes over his face. “What? No. Ellie, I’m not married. I-”

  “You travel all the time, it’s hard to get a hold of you sometimes, you never take me out, it all adds up.” I cross my arms, trying to protect myself from the fact of this revelation.

  “No, it doesn’t.” He shakes his head. “It adds up to me being a workaholic. I told you the day we met that I wasn’t married because I work too much. I promise you, I’m not married.”

  “You’re not married? You swear.” I point my finger at him. I trust Hudson and if he gives me his word, I’ll believe him.

  “I swear. I’m not currently married, I’ve never been married, and I’m not engaged. There’s only you, Ellie. I promise.” He steps closer to me, wrapping his arms around me.

  “I was talking to Lacey and everything started to make sense. I’m sorry. I just thought that you were married,” I say into his chest.

  “It’s okay. I understand.” He smooths my hair.

  “I was so upset thinking you were married, that I didn’t even cook anything.” I look up at him.

  He gives me a sideways grin and kisses my forehead. “I’m not really all that hungry, but how about we start the movie, and if we’re hungry afterwards, we go grab something?”

  I fake a shocked gasp and step out of his arms. “In public?”

  He throws his head back and laughs. “Yes, in public.” He holds out his hand, and we go into the living room. I sit in my usual spot, as he puts the movie in. When he sits on the couch, I automatically curl up to him.

  As the movie starts, I stare at the TV screen, not really watching it. I start to think about the past two months. We’ve been seeing each other for two months. In that time, I’ve accused him of being married, almost pepper sprayed him, whipped him in the face with my hair, and he’s still here.

  I start to think about the night on the porch. The way I felt kissing him, straddling his lap. I had kissed a few guys in my past, but none of them made my knees weak like Hudson does. I look up at him, and I realize that his scruff is becoming thicker.

  “Are you growing a beard?” I inquire.

  “Um, yeah.”

  I sit up and touch his face, feeling the softness of his face. “I like it.”

  He smiles, takes my hand, and kisses the inside of my wrist. The tenderness of his lips makes my heart race. He turns back to the TV, but I can’t stop looking at him.

  “Hudson,” I say softly.

  He turns to me. “Yes?”

  I touch his face and pull his lips to me. I’ve never been so bold with anyone, ever. He moans as I push my tongue into his mouth. I pull him closer to me as I lay back. He cradles himself between my legs. My skirt hikes up as I open my legs for him. I run my hands through his soft hair and rest them on his neck. His fingertips softly trace my thigh, and my body shivers.

  ‘Hudson.” I break our kiss.

  “Sorry, I got carried away.” He goes to pull away from me, but I stop him.

  I let my trust and hormones take over for me because I know Hudson won’t hurt me. “Hudson, don’t stop.”

  “What?”

  “Don’t stop.”

  “Ellie.” He closes his eyes for a moment. When he opens them, he is searching my face. “I need to ask you one thing, and it’s personal.” I nod. “How far have you gone with a guy?”

  I feel my face heat up. “Not very far. But for the first time ever, I trust someone and I know that you wouldn’t hurt me. I know that you’re not after just one thing.”

  “I told you that I would never ask you to do anything that you didn’t want to do.”

  I thought for a moment and courage built up in me. “How about we make a deal?”

  “A deal?” He looks perplexed.

  I nod. “We continue, as far as it goes, until I say stop.”

  “Ellie, I’m not letting you lose your virginity on a couch. I want it to be special for you.”

  I scoff at him. “What are you going to do take me to Paris?”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  When I look in his eyes, I think that he might really do that, but I know that is just a crazy dream. It just makes my insides flutter thinking that he would do that for me.

  “Do we have a deal?” I ask, biting my lip.

  He leans in and whispers in my ear. “How about a compromise? How about I just show you how much I care about you without going all the way?” His scruff tickles my face as I nod. “But not on a couch.”

  He stands, pulling me with him. He takes my hand and heads to the bedroom. He spins me, cupping my face. He gives me a sexy smirk and cocks one eyebrow. He kisses me and guides me towards the bed. I can feel myself shaking when my knees hit the bed.

  “Ellie, I won’t hurt you. I promise. I’ll never hurt you.” I nod. He leans in, whispering in my ear. “Trust me.”

  He takes a step back, pulling off his t-shirt. I’m trying to keep my jaw from dropping as I stare at his beautifully sculpted chest. He undid his belt, and I stop breathing. He steps back to me.


  “Look at me.” I look into his beautiful, loving eyes. “Trust me.” He lightly kisses my lips.

  I can’t move. I’m paralyzed, not in fear, but in lust. I’m holding myself in place so that I don’t do something wrong. I’m not even sure if I should look anywhere, except in his eyes. He drops his pants, and my mouth goes dry.

  “Ellie, we’re not having sex. I promise.”

  “I trust you,” I whisper.

  “If you want me to stop, I will.”

  I shake my head. My body is humming for him. He lightly caresses my cheek and kisses me. When he stops, I feel like there is no air in the room. He begins to unbutton my blouse, and my breasts are aching for his touch. I bite my lip as he pushes the blouse off my shoulders letting it fall. His lust filled eyes stare at me as he pulls my skirt down.

  I’ve never been this naked in front of anyone, especially a man. I’m shaking with anticipation of what he is going to next. He smiles as if he is about attack me, but I know that he wouldn’t. His lips cover mine. I moan with the pleasure from his soft lips on mine. He picks me up, fireman style, and lays me in the center of the bed. He props himself above me, and I feel his hardness between my legs. The tightening in my chest increases as I think of how close I am to him. I keep telling myself to trust him, and that he won’t go that far.

  He leaves my mouth and lies on his side next to me. He begins to kiss my neck down to my breasts. He pulls my bra down, and I quickly inhale as the shot of electricity goes through my veins when he gently sucks on my nipple. My stomach flutters as I feel his fingertips trail down to the top of my thong. I want him to touch me, and I silently pray that he does. I moan his name as he switches to my other breast and teases me over my thong.

  I let go of all logic. I let my body and hormones take over. I grip his neck with one hand and hold on to the comforter with the other. I rock my hips, saying his name over and over. He releases my breast and comes back to my mouth. My legs open on their own accord as he moves my underwear to the side. He gently touches me. My body jerks as he rubs me. He slowly enters a finger inside of me. I break the kiss and arch my back. I moan loudly.

  “Just relax,” he says in my ear. “Enjoy it.”

  His fingers work me, and I feel my body tightening around him.

  “Ellie, you feel so good.” His words send a small thrill through me.

  I move my hand down his back to the top of his waistband. My hormones have officially taken over. I gently drag my nails to the front of him. I’m not sure if he wants me to do this, or if I’m even going to do it right, but I do. My confidence levels rise as I take him in hand.

  “Oh my God, Ellie,” he moans working on me faster.

  I begin to go at the same pace as him. He says my name again and that he won’t last long. Within a couple of moments, I yell his name, and my body is shaking. Hudson releases the same time, saying my name over and over. I can’t believe what just happened. I look at Hudson as he stares at me. I’m not sure what to say. I’ve never had so many emotions races through me. I feel beautiful, confident, content, and unsure of what is going to happen next.

  “I told you to trust me.” He kisses me, taking away all the uncertainty.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Hudson

  What a night. Starting with Ellie accusing me of being married, me attempting to tell her about my job, but failing, and then what we just did. Ellie is extraordinary, in all aspects. I still can’t believe everything that’s happened today. A little while later, we’re dressed and laying in bed facing one another.

  “Tell me about your childhood and your aunt,” I say softly. She’s never really talked about it, and I want to know everything about her.

  Ellie seems surprised, but she cuddles up to me and begins to tell me about it. “My aunt was the best person I’ve ever known. She raised me with no complaints. She homeschooled me and she was my best friend. We did a lot of stuff outside. I think that’s why I like nature so much. She had a large flower bed in our backyard, and we were always working in it together. She would buy me books, and we would read until late into the night. She wasn’t a big TV watcher either. She didn’t have a mean bone in her body.”

  “She seems like she was an amazing person,” I tell her once she’s done. It seems like once her parents died, Ellie stuck close to her aunt, which makes sense after losing them at such a young age.

  “She was. I still miss her,” she whispers.

  I hug her to me, and as she drifts to sleep, I decide once and for all that I’ll tell her the day after her company dinner. If I tell her before then, and she reacts as badly as my mother and sister think she will, she’s going to hate that dress. It’ll ruin her wearing it that night, and I don’t want to take that away from her. I promise myself that no matter how crazy it gets with the playoffs starting, I will tell her. I’ll do like my mother said. I’ll take her to the rink, put skates on her feet, a stick in her hands, and show her one of the most important parts of me. The plan is already in place. I just have to wait to make it happen.

  ~

  “Sorry, Hudson. She’s always late. I should have told her to be here an hour beforehand and she would have made it here on time,” Ellie says apologetically.

  Tonight is the dinner with her best friend, Lacey, and we’ve been waiting thirty minutes already at Ellie’s kitchen table. She seems a little nervous, but so am I. My leg is bouncing furiously at the chance that Lacey will recognize me.

  “It’s fine,” I tell her. Maybe she will cancel and I can spend the evening alone with Ellie.

  Just then, Ellie’s front door opens and a girl walks in. “Alright, I know I’m late, don’t start. I’m ready to meet Prince Charm-holy shit!”

  Recognition is all over her face. Holy shit is right.

  “Lacey, don’t be rude,” Ellie chides.

  I stand, swallow hard, and hope like hell she doesn’t say anything. With my hand outstretched, I say, “Hi, I’m Hudson. It’s nice to meet you, Lacey.”

  Her mouth is hanging open. Slowly, her hand lifts and grips mine, squeezing tightly. “Um, yeah, Mr. Architect, nice to meet you.” She lets go of my hand and turns. “Ellie, it’s such a nice day, why don’t we eat on the back porch? Hudson, do you mind helping me get the dessert? I left it in my car.”

  “Of course.” I follow her outside, but as soon as we’re out of earshot, she swivels to face me.

  “Are kidding me? You’re no damn architect. You’re Hudson King from the Portland Vikings! What the hell are you doing?” Lacey is furious, her hand gesturing as she talks.

  “I know it looks bad, please don’t say anything to her. I’m going to tell her,” I plead as she stalks to her car, opens the door, and then turns back to face me.

  “That’s my best friend, and in case you haven’t noticed, she’s an amazing person. I’m not gonna stand here and watch you break her heart. I don’t care who you are.” She gives me a death glare. “Why are lying to her anyway?”

  I sigh. “Long story short, I was thrilled that she didn’t know who I was at first. I was a normal guy to her. Every time I’ve tried telling her, she either interrupts me or says something about how she doesn’t like sports. I tried telling her the other day, but someone,” I point my own glare at her, “convinced her that my secret was that I am married.”

  “Okay, my mistake thinking you were married,” she puts her hands up, like she’s surrendering, “but look at it from my point of view. You were gone all the time, and no architect travels that much. How the hell was I supposed to know you were traveling because you’re in the middle of playoff season?”

  “Just please don’t tell her. I’m going to tell her soon. Please,” I beg.

  “You tell her soon or so help me God. I will break your knees with your damn hockey stick. Ellie is nothing but pure gold. No one has ever betrayed her. If you haven’t noticed, she has lived a sheltered life and is just now truly coming out of her shell.” She shakes her head and mumbles, “I can’t believe the f
irst guy that is supposed to care for her is a damn liar.”

  “Is everything okay?” Ellie asks from the front porch.

  “Yeah,” Lacey calls back. “Turns out I forgot the dessert. Sorry, Ellie.” She slams her door with another angry look at me.

  We head back inside, and I can’t get Lacey’s words out of my head. Nothing she said is news to me, but the dread rises within me. She’s right. I’ve betrayed Ellie, and it’s going to kill her when she finds out. Sitting on the back porch, Ellie gives me a worried look, so I gently squeeze her hand and smile to let her know that things are fine.

  “You know, Hudson, when I told Lacey about you, she recognized your name. She must have seen your work before.”

  “Oh yeah?” I glance at Lacey. Here comes the test.

  “I must have been thinking of a different Hudson King,” Lacey shrugs, like it doesn’t matter anymore. “I think there’s a figure skater from Nova Scotia that has the same name.” She wears a small smile.

  I have to resist glaring at her as Ellie laughs. I want to say that I’m not a figure skater, I’m a hockey player, but that’s not happening.

  Ellie looks at me with her head tilted. “I can’t picture you in clothes like that.”

  “Oh, I can picture him in a uniform,” Lacey adds.

  Just kill me now. To get conversation away from this deadly line she insists to walk on, I ask Lacey about how she met Ellie.

  “We met at a seminar. Sweet Ellie here kept me awake the whole time. Yep, that’s our Ellie. Caring, sweet, kindhearted, you know just an honest person. It’s so sad that world has so many dishonest people in it. Oh well, what are you going to do? I mean, tell the truth, it would just be easier.” Lacey casually looks my way.

  I drop my head, running my hand over my face. I don’t think I can do this. I can’t sit here for the rest of dinner with Lacey taunting me. I told her that I would tell Ellie and I’m going to. Why can’t that be enough for now? She doesn’t have to put me through this.

  “Um, am I missing something?” Ellie asks, obviously confused.

  “Oh, Ellie. I’m sorry. I’m being rude, and I don’t mean to be. I have had a really long and complicated day. I apologize, Hudson. I don’t mean it. Let’s just enjoy this great food and talk about something interesting.”