Light in the Dark Read online

  “Do you even know who I am?” I ask him like he might answer.

  Sawyer looks up at me.

  “Idaline. Can you say that? I-da-line.” I repeat it a few more times while he says words he understands and tosses in a few DaDas, but eventually, he swoops in and steals my heart.

  “AhDa,” he says.

  I smile, earning one from him, and clap my hands, which causes him to do the same. “That’s it! Good job, Sawyer. AhDa,” I repeat, hoping to hear him say it again.

  “AhDa!”

  Oh, I think I love this little boy a little bit. “Can you say your name? Saw-yer. Sawyer. Try it. Sawyer.”

  “I love you with him.”

  I snap my head up to look at FC, standing in the doorway between his bedroom and his bathroom, with only a towel wrapped around his waist. All I can do right now is stare and hope I’m not drooling.

  “He’s pretty smitten with you already.” He nods to where Sawyer still rests against my chest.

  “I have to say, I’m a little smitten myself. He’s so sweet and cute.”

  FC blows me away with his smile. There’s a loud knock on the door. “That must be Nana. Let me let her in and then I’ll get dressed.” I pick up Sawyer and follow him. My eyes can’t help but stare at his scars once more.

  He opens the door, but it’s not his nana. I know this in one glance for a few reasons. One, the woman on the other side isn’t old. She’s young, maybe around our age or so. She has a black eye and a gash along her nose. FC’s entire body goes rigid the moment he sees her.

  Her eyes leave FC and land on me. “Who is that bitch with my son?”

  Oh, god. This is Lila.

  FC fills the doorway with his body, blocking her view from us, and something makes me disappear far enough down the hallway to be hidden from view, just in case. “You need to leave, Lila. There’s a restraining order still in place and you have no right to be here.”

  “FC, babe, I miss you.”

  “Leave, Lila. You have ten seconds to walk away before I call the law to remove you. There’s no reason at all to be here and less reason when I add in the fact that there’s a restraining order.”

  “I want to see my son.”

  “You don’t have a son,” he corrects her, his voice hard and harsh, making me flinch.

  “Babe.”

  I hear a slap. “Get your fucking hands off me. My babysitter is calling the law right now.” Does he mean me? I hurry to his bedroom to grab his phone. Sawyer whines a little and clings to my neck. As I walk back down the hallway, I hear the door slam closed. When I peer around into the living room, FC paces.

  “Is everything okay?” I ask.

  FC whirls around. He stalks toward me and nearly snatches Sawyer from my hold. “We’re not going out tonight. I need to make some phone calls.” He takes his phone as well and returns to the door, constantly peering out the peephole. He yanks the door open and then pulls an elderly lady inside.

  “Boy, don’t you manhandle me like that!” she chides.

  “Did you pass a car on the way in?”

  “No,” she answers with confusion.

  “Fuck,” he mutters.

  “What’s this about, FC?”

  “Lila was just here. If you didn’t pass a car on its way out, then she might still be in the parking lot.”

  Her eyes widen. “That hussy is here?” She turns. “Let me go find her.”

  Just as she opens the door again, FC pushes it closed. “Nana, I don’t think you’re equipped to go after Lila. Just take Sawyer and let me call Karen, see if she knows why in the fuck that woman is back in my life.”

  When his nana takes Sawyer is when she notices me. “Oh my. Idaline. Please forgive me, dear. Hello.” She advances toward me for a hug. “It’s nice to meet you. I apologize that it’s when a messy situation has unfolded. Come with me. Let’s give FC a moment alone.”

  She pulls a reluctant me away and down to Sawyer’s room. “Can you tell me what happened?”

  “He opened the door, thinking it was you. She asked who was holding her baby. He kept telling her she needed to leave because of a restraining order. She said she missed him. He had to threaten to call the law. That’s pretty much it. Oh. She had a black eye and a gash on her face.”

  His nana’s eyes light up and she blows my mind with a chuckle. “Sounds like someone finally gave her what she was dishing out.”

  “Fuck!” FC shouts, startling Sawyer enough that he cries.

  “Go check on him will you, dear?” she asks as she rocks Sawyer.

  I take the opportunity to get away from the crying baby, who surprisingly makes me nervous. FC paces around the living room, but stops when he sees me.

  “She’s fucking crazy,” he says. “Her mom said she was able to convince her to give up her rights in the first place because it would be Lila’s way of showing me she cared enough about Sawyer to put him first. But Lila got a new boyfriend and when that didn’t pan out because he’s as bad as she is, she thought she’d come back to me and I’d accept her since she proved how much she loved my son by giving him up.”

  This FC is the same one who would come to my apartment because he needed to get away from Lila. He’s tense, irritated, and no happiness can be found. My heart and soul ache at seeing him like this, especially compared to how happy he was only a short while ago. I walk over and hug him, stopping him from his pacing. His arms dangle down by his sides for a few seconds before he hugs me back.

  “This is not how our new relationship is supposed to go,” he whispers, hugging me tighter. “I’m sorry we’re not going out tonight, but I don’t want to leave him with her out there somewhere.” He pauses. “Fuck, I need a drink.”

  “What you need is this hug. And don’t worry about it,” I tell him. “She can’t be that much of a problem when you’ve already won. Sawyer is yours; there’s nothing she can do about that now. You have a restraining order, so if she violates it again, all you have to do is report her and she’ll get in trouble.”

  “Problem is I don’t want to deal with her at all. She’s supposed to be out of our lives.” His voice is tortured and troubled once again; I hate hearing it. “One reason I waited until she was gone to tell you about everything was because I didn’t want the entire situation stressing you out. To add any anxiety on you, and now she’s back.” He sighs heavily.

  “I’ll be okay, FC.”

  He pulls back to look at me, pushing my hair behind my ear. “You’re telling me your heart isn’t going nuts?” He places a hand over my chest, which confirms on his own that he’s correct. “You’ve been having a hard time lately; I don’t want to add to that. I don’t want to make it worse. Your mental health is too important.”

  “But do you know what’s just as important?” I ask. His brows raise in question. “Us. Being together. I don’t want anything to stand in our way again. We’re stronger than that, FC. We’ve only just begun; don’t think of cutting me loose.”

  His arms tighten around me. “I’m not,” he vehemently swears. “I’m just worried.”

  That’s understandable.

  “Everything okay in here?”

  We turn to face Nana who holds Sawyer’s hand. He pulls away from her and walks as fast as he can over to FC, who picks him up and hugs him as if he hasn’t seen him in months.

  “It will be,” FC says.

  “I’ll start dinner. Are you still staying or do you want to go out?”

  “We’re not going anywhere. And you don’t have to cook, Nana.”

  She waves him off and starts for the kitchen. FC shakes his head with a smile, disappears to his room to get dressed before returning, and sits down on the floor with Sawyer. Do I stay with FC or help Nana? Instinctively feeling as if FC needs some time with Sawyer, I head to the kitchen.

  Nana immediately orders me around, for which I’m thankful. It’s better to get orders than to awkwardly stand around and wonder what to help with or to ask. While we’re working togeth
er, she asks me questions.

  “I’m glad you’re here, Idaline,” she says quietly, as if she doesn’t want FC to overhear. “Do you two have a game plan to make this relationship work? Because if I know FC, there will definitely be a relationship with you. He’s waited too long to be with you not to.”

  My heart warms at hearing such things, even though FC essentially told me the same thing. “I’m moving here. It’ll be official once I can find a job and an apartment in order to move my things here.”

  She smiles. “Good. I’m available any time you two want to go out for a date. I love my grandson and my great-grandson. What does your family think about all of this?”

  At this, I glance away. My family doesn’t know I’m here. Not even my grandpa. It was that much of an impulsive decision to come for FC.

  “Idaline?” Nana pushes. “Please tell me someone knows you’re here, dear.”

  “Idaline?” I swivel around to face FC. “Your folks don’t know you’re here?” His face bunches into a frown. “Why?”

  My gaze flicks between his worried and upset stare to Nana’s curious one. What am I supposed to say? “I’ll tell them eventually,” I find myself saying.

  FC’s frown deepens. “When? When Grandpa McAllister shows up and discovers you’re not home and haven’t been? I don’t need to give him any more reason to dislike me. Why haven’t you told them?” he repeats.

  Anxiety buds, grows, and festers in my chest. My fingertips tingle and my breathing increases. FC closes the distance between us to hold my face in his hands. That lone action causes me to spill. “They’ll worry. They might not like it. I don’t need to deal with anything but support and what if they don’t give it to me?”

  He kisses my forehead. “You can’t quietly move away without anyone knowing, love. They’ll worry more. Tell the person who will be the most understanding so at least one person knows.”

  “DaDa!” Sawyer shouts, suddenly appearing next to us while babbling. “Nom!”

  FC laughs. “We’re working on dinner, son. Give us some time,” he says as he picks Sawyer up. When his gaze returns to me, he says, “Go call someone, please. It’ll be fine, I promise.”

  With my heart down by my feet, I leave everyone in the kitchen to walk down to FC’s bedroom to call my grandpa. I should probably call my parents, but my gut tells me to call him instead.

  “Idaline, how are you?” he answers. “Shouldn’t you be at work?”

  “Um, fine. You?”

  There’s a pause and then, “What’s going on, Idaline? You sound nervous. Do I need to come over for us to talk?”

  “No,” I quickly squeak.

  “Tell me,” he demands while I mentally curse myself for being so obvious.

  “I’m in North Carolina.” My grandpa sighs, but I push forward. “I’m moving here to be with him.”

  “Oh, Idaline,” he sighs.

  “I need support, Grandpa,” I plead. “I want you to tell everyone else. This is where I need to be. I’m already happier here and I’ve been here since yesterday.”

  Grandpa is silent for a second before he says, “Tell me everything that’s been going on. You have my support, and I’ll handle things here. If you need help moving, I’ll help you. But I need to properly meet this boy and his family.”

  So, I tell him about everything that’s happened and all I’ve learned since being here. More anxiety chips away at knowing my grandpa is in my corner and he’ll handle things back home for me.

  “That girl is troubled, FC,” Nana says as we sit down to eat.

  I frown. “She’s not trouble.”

  She rolls her eyes. “That’s not what I said. She’s troubled.”

  My gaze shifts toward the hallway. Idaline is still in the bedroom, talking to her grandfather. It doesn’t bring me much comfort that Nana can sense Idaline isn’t her complete self, too. “She’ll be all right,” I say as both a reassurance to her and myself.

  Sawyer talks as we eat until a few minutes later, Idaline emerges looking way more relaxed than she has been. Grandpa McAllister pulled through.

  “Everything go well?” I ask anyway as she takes a seat next to me, her plate already full and waiting.

  “Yes,” she replies with a smile. “I feel much better.”

  “Good.”

  Dinner goes easy while Nana and Idaline talk, learning about one another and laughing over my childhood antics. If I let myself, I could forget that Lila showed up. But that’s an impossibility at this moment. What I do instead is focus every thought and sight on Idaline and Sawyer. They are the two most important people right now.

  Nana leaves shortly after dinner, making me promise she can babysit for us tomorrow. Idaline stays in the living room while I set about giving Sawyer a bath, letting him play until he’s pruny, and then reading to him until he falls asleep.

  Once he’s down for the count, I return to the living room and sit down on the couch next to Idaline. A sigh of happiness leaves me as she leans into my side, getting comfortable. She takes my hand in hers, holding it in her lap.

  “I’ve missed this so much. Being near you and having my heart beat crazily wondering what might happen next,” she says softly.

  “We haven’t had nearly enough time together. Are you sure you’ve missed it?” I tease.

  She looks up at me, completely serious. “Definitely.”

  I expect her to rest her head on my shoulder again, but her gaze doesn’t move away from mine. The world slips away the longer we stare. My eyes drop to her lips when her tongue peeks out to swipe across her lower lip. Our breathing shallows at the same time.

  “Mind if I kiss you?” I’m not sure why exactly I’m asking or why I feel like I should, but I do all the same.

  Idaline smiles. “Please do.”

  Our mouths join quite simply. Just a closing of the distance in order to make contact. One chaste kiss before our mouths open and our tongues war, chase, and caress one another. Idaline’s soft moan goes straight to my dick. She grabs ahold of my neck as if she needs to keep me right where I am. Like I would go anywhere. She tastes better than I remember, feels better as my hands glide up and down her body, and smells just as sweet.

  Five minutes into this kissing, Idaline moves swiftly until she straddles my lap. Such a bad idea that I love so much. My hips immediately jerk up to rub against her. God, she moans again as she presses down against my hips, like we’re two teenagers who aren’t allowed to go any further than this right here.

  My body aches when Idaline suddenly pulls away.

  “Are you okay?” I ask, hoping I haven’t somehow fucked up.

  She nods. “Is it too soon for us to have sex?” Her nervousness sneaks out in her question.

  My answer is obviously no. “That’s for you to decide, love. If you’re ready, I’m ready. If you’re not, there’s no harm done in waiting. There is zero pressure from me; you know that, right?”

  “Yes,” she answers resolutely. “I would just like that connection with you.” Her fingers walk their way down my chest, slip underneath my T-shirt, and her hands flatten as they slide back up. “Sometimes, our last night together feels like nothing more than a dream. And I’m left wondering if we were really together or not. Did I really remember how you felt or was I imagining things?” Her head tilts to the side as her hips rock against me. Her breath hitches while her nails dig into my skin. Finally, her eyes lift to mine. “You don’t understand how much I’ve missed you. How much I’ve always wanted to be with you.”

  She has no idea. I run my hands up her back until I reach her shoulders and then pull her into a tight hug. “I understand perfectly, Idaline. You’ve always been the light in my dark world, always unreachable, unattainable, but now you’re here and I don’t plan on ever letting you go. On ever letting you down or to allow the dark to take over my world again.” Lila can show up all she wants, but nothing will stand in the way of my happiness and all the potential happiness I’ll have with Idaline ever again
.

  Idaline looks at me with water in her eyes. “I love you,” she whispers.

  My chest swells, air stays locked in my lungs for a solid moment, and I smile. This is the first time she’s ever said those words. I’ve felt love from her, but to hear her say it and to know she doesn’t mean it in a strict friendship sense? It’s the highest of highs. Especially since I never expected her to say it to me first. With a good solid hold on her, moving my hands to her legs, I stand.

  Silently, I walk to my bedroom with her in my arms. Idaline has the slightest of frowns on her face, but I’ll erase that in just a moment. She releases me the second I set her on the edge of the bed and loses all contact with me.

  “Idaline?”

  “Yeah?”

  I lift her chin to make her look at me. There’s unnecessary worry in her eyes. “I love you too.”

  The moment the words are out of my mouth, she pulls me in for a kiss and frantically goes about undressing me. That moment was fourteen years in the making. The only thing I can promise, with words and actions, is that it won’t take another fourteen years to solidify the fact that we’ll spend the rest of our lives together.

  Waking up with a naked Idaline wrapped around my body. Is there anything better than that? Not really. I softly kiss her forehead and carefully extract myself so I can shower before Sawyer wakes up. While last night was one of the most amazing in my life, I can’t help but think about how it’s a new day and that means new problems.

  Did Lila head back home or is she still lurking around?

  My gut tells me she’s still lurking around.

  Which means I need as many eyes as possible on Sawyer today. I don’t know how crazy she may get and I don’t want to risk anything happening to him. Although, again, my gut tells me she has no concern for Sawyer. She isn’t here for him. She’s here for me.

  Idaline is still asleep by the time I’m completely ready for work. I leave her be while I walk across the hall to Sawyer’s room. I smile when I see him pulling himself up.